not in a million years

In the blink of an eye, life as I knew it was changed forever. Not in a million years did I ever think that I would lose my 14 year old son to a sudden cardiac death. Strong, young,athletic, healthy...this isn't suppose to happen. I am - at this very time in my life in the throws of intense grief and severe shock. As any mother who has suffered the death a child can tell you, the pain indescribable. Typing these words brings a tightening feeling to my chest, a lump in my throat and the urge to vomit. It has been 9 months since I had to say goodbye to my child. Nine long months of adjusting to my new life. The five of us are now four - with a huge void that replaced the baby of our family. "He was too good to be true" my husband and I would say over and over throughout his too short 14 years on this planet earth. I could brag continuously about how great of a son his was in so many ways. Wise and mature beyond his years, there was something about him that made people say that he was an old soul.